Epiphany – A Story Interlude #2

June 6, 2023June 15, 2023 eBrightwingLeave a comment

I’m not sure how many vital epiphanies happen in an individual life, but I remember my first.

I was twelve years old and stepping out of the shower in the middle of the day. I remember the floor plan of the bathroom and my dad applying carpet squares over it’s linoleum. I discovered my younger sister sleepwalking there one night when I got up to pee and she wandered in to move towels from cupboard to counter and then return to bed.

I had candles burning and the lights off (there was also a small window). I pulled back the shower curtain, picked up a towel and stepped out. I stopped moving because I realized that, not only did things like butterflies, frogs and pets die, so would I.

I thought about having open heart surgery. I’m sure of only two memories from that time. I’m told I liked to climb out of my crib and escape outside. What I remember is running through grass, sliding underneath flowing shrubs and wanting to live there. And I remember holding the hand of a white lady while walking down a white hallway with bright lights.

All of this began a journey. I was shocked, but not aghast. I had questions. I corresponded (with parental supervision) with a Wiccan coven in Texas. I read more mythology and discovered Joseph Campbell. I studied the philosophies of multiple religions. I read about Native Americans.

I thought about starting my period and wishing I hadn’t. Despite being really girly and loving color, clothes, eyeshadow, nail polish and perfume, I hated messes and bodily fluids. I thought about Mom taking the stray Mama kitty and kittens to the vet and the vet euthanizing then because of an infection passed to the babies while nursing. I follow the wheel of the year, equinox/solstice, moon cycles, and nature. I tried attending Unitarian Universalist church and joining two different pagan groups. I studied reiki and shamanic journeying.

Many years later, I am pagan with beliefs leaning Native American, shamanic and Wiccan. I maintain altars and the smell of incense centers me. I’m not afraid of death, but the process still scares me. And, I still rail against loss. Who doesn’t?

Family · Health · Memory · Nature · Personal · reading · School

Broken Hearted in Grade School

June 1, 2023June 1, 2023 eBrightwingLeave a comment

Reading very quickly became my favorite thing. By sixth grade, I was reading at twelfth grade level. I often spent recess or other free time in the school library. I was reading from one side to the other of the shelves in our small library. When I got through fiction, I read biography and history. Best of all, I found mythology.

Once I found mythology, I looked for stories everywhere. Meanwhile, I experienced all the common childhood illnesses, including measles, mumps and chicken pox. I usually had bronchitis at least once each winter. I had walking pneumonia and a couple concussions. I didn’t break any bones, but I stepped on bees, sprained ankles and tumbled off bikes. Reading saved me during all the down time. I loved ordering Scholastic books at school and visiting the library.

After my open heart surgery at age three, I was followed pretty closely until released at age six. Because of the heart issues, my baby teeth needed dental work. My body was not my friend. I didn’t like failing and I didn’t like sports. I was competitive and felt that I couldn’t compete. Instead, I found solitary activities. I collected frogs from the garden and released them again. I rode my bike up and down hills in nearby grassy lots. I took books and snacks to make nests in tall summer grass. I liked badminton, swings and climbing trees.

I especially liked reading books and having them turn into movies in my head and feeling like I was living them. I had adventures and experiences. I was competitive intellectually and academically. I could plot and I could plan. All this was so good in so many ways, but helped set up the disconnect between ME and my body which was always disappointing or failing me.

Books & Reviews · Writing

My Style Memoir

April 14, 2023April 14, 2023 eBrightwingLeave a comment

I think I’ve found my memoir style. Essentially, writing topical essays and then arranging them in topical and chronilogical order.

I’ve read and listened to many memoirs over the last 5-10 years. The change started slowly with reading biographies and autobiographies. Then I started listening to memoirs as audiobooks. I actually read STEVE JOBS by Walter Isaacson and loved it. I also loved the story behind it: Jobs knew he was dying. His wife convinced him to allow full access and give up control of the narrative because this might be the only way for his young children to truly know him.

These are some of my recent favorites: Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing by Matthew Perry / I Miss You When I Blink: Essays by Mary Laura Philpott / Bomb Shelter: Love, Time, and Other Explosives by Mary Laura Philpott / This Is What America Looks Like: My Journey from Refugee to Congresswoman by Ilhan Omar / In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction by Gabor Mate, MD / When the Body Says No by Gabor Mate, MD / The Boys: A Memoir of Hollywood and Family by Ron Howard, Clint Howard, Bryce Dallas Howard (Foreword) / Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within by Natalie Goldberg / Cat Daddy: What the World’s Most Incorrigible Cat Taught Me About Life, Love, and Coming Clean by Jackson Galaxy, Joel Derfner

I’ve continued to journal, but I’ve been trying to expand that by writing down what I remember of my dreams, ideas, snippets of a sentence or story, and various observations of the world around me. And, as noted above in my MISSION STATEMENT, I am blogging again.