Living Bigger

Living big, taking chances, trying new things is hard when staying small and quiet is a comfortable habit.  Watching and evaluating feels much safer.

Few children lived near me growing up and few who did were girls.  My parents were also very protective for the times.  I skipped kindergarten and was my teacher’s favorite in first grade.  Fortunately, I found a best friend and a couple of casual friends who saw me through grade school.  I read voraciously, rode my bike, played with my younger sister and spent a lot of time with family.  My grandpa retired young for health reasons, so I had three adults doting on me even before my dad got home from work and made it four.

The transition from grade school to junior high school (7th to 9th grades) was traumatic.  My best friend’s parents divorced and I felt very isolated without her.  For a long time, at home after school, I could actually replay the day to myself like a movie that happened to someone else while I watched from above.

Eventually, two of my casual friends stepped forward and were company at school, but I remained contained by family at home.  I was quiet and studious during the school day.  I got excellent grades and was rewarded for it with a boost to my allowance.  At home, I was talkative and energetic (when not reading), but I found joining in difficult in class.

Things might have continued in the same way right through high school, but I realized part of my unhappiness was within my control.  In my junior year, I decided to make changes.  I joined the National Honor Society and the pep club.  I attended football games, both home and away. I was a student aide in a couple classes. I got my driver’s license the following summer and it all helped.

Mt Saint Helens erupted shortly before the end of my senior year. I graduated in the top 10% of my class and left for college at the end of the summer.

My small life was getting bigger. I broke ground for my sister by fighting for my independence at home. I still felt as though something was missing, but I also had hope.